Starting therapy is a life-changing decision, one that has to be thought over mindfully. Here are the answers to the ten most frequently asked questions people have about psychotherapy.
1. How to choose the right therapist?
Looking at the names and photos on the internet, wondering what the different titles mean, asking for recommendations from friends … it’s confusing. Foremost, look for therapists with proper education and credentials, since many self-called therapists out there only attended some weekend workshops. Proper education guarantees that the person has undergone a thorough selection and done years of self-therapy, so they will not heal their own wounds upon your shoulders. Most of all, you need to feel safe with the person you choose and trust them to know how to lead you through the troubled waters. Sometimes this means you will need to try a couple of sessions with them before you know.
2. Individual vs. group therapy?
Most people initially shy away from group therapy because they are embarrassed to talk about their problems in public. However, for some conditions like addiction, group therapy is invaluable. Addiction is a social disease and one has to heal where the wounds are. The shame that drives addiction is best healed in a group of like-minded. Individual therapy is best for addressing traumatic experiences, especially when sexual trauma is involved.
3. Male vs female therapist?
This should not be a question, since the therapists are trained not to make a difference. However, you may feel safer with a person of your gender when speaking about domestic abuse. Also, if you grew up without a parent, a fatherly or a motherly figure may help you finish some undeveloped processes. Again, the person you choose should feel safe and trustworthy.
4. Psychotherapist, psychiatrist, or bio-therapist?
Psychiatrists are medical doctors, who specialize in treating mental diseases with medications. Some of them are extra trained in psychotherapy, too, but being overwhelmed with patients, usually, they do not take enough time to see you often enough to make a difference. If you do not have a mental disease, but just need help in sorting out a troubled relationship or recovering from emotional problems or addiction, a psychotherapist will be the best choice. Many different sorts of psychotherapy are quite different but be prepared for a lengthy relationship with someone safe to discuss your problems with. Bio-therapists are not therapists in the official sense, but sometimes just gifted people mindful of subtle changes in your energy and body. They may help you feel better or release some tension, but not to recover from serious problems.
5. How long is therapy going to take and why?
As a rule of thumb, you can expect your therapy to last from 3 to 5 years, depending on the difficulty of your problems and your ability to cooperate. A person’s psyche is a complex matter, made of millions of connected beliefs, prejudices and memories, mediated by the delicate neuronal connections. Once this complex structure is challenged, it needs time to recover and re-assemble in a new way. There are no shortcuts if you want your changes to last.
6. How is “sitting and talking” going to help me?
Sitting and talking form the basis of talk therapy. The therapist challenges your fixed self-beliefs and helps you regulate your emotions. To heal your problems, you first have to be aware of them and learn some new skills, which you can achieve in the dialogue with the therapist. However, this is not everything you can do to speed up the process. Working on the whole spectrum of your abilities and combining talk therapy with positive changes in nutrition, exercise, sleep, relationships, and spirituality goes much deeper.
7. Why do all therapists seem to blame your parents for all your troubles?
Extensive research has been done on the matter of adverse consequences of unsolved childhood trauma, and conditions like addictions, depression, obesity, other physical diseases, and even cancer are closely connected to it. Of course, you can’t undo the past, because it is gone. But those who have suffered traumatic changes in childhood, have trouble with letting go of the chronic stress that was the result. Their systems of alert may become stuck in high-stress zone for years and decades, thus causing all those pathological changes.
8. Can I recover by myself?
It is not impossible, but certainly not easy to do. The human psyche has its defense mechanisms that avoid change and try to keep things as they are. Why struggle, when help is available?
9. After recovery, will I be able to live like it never happened?
I don’t think this is a realistic goal. The goal of recovery is not to restart from zero, but to accept your history as part of your spiritual path. There will be some bruises and scars, but also some well-earned new skills. You will be aware that, whatever happened, you have survived and thrived through it, and it has made you stronger.
10. How will I know I have recovered?
As you approach the end of recovery, it will spontaneously blend into your spiritual growth. You can expect your life to take a much less stressful course, your relationship to become comfortable and stable, and your joy of life to rise steadily. You will feel safe most of the time. Your emotions will no longer be a roller-coaster, but a steady wave of energy, giving things their meaning. Things that hurt you will still happen, but you will not repeat past mistakes and get out of trouble as soon as possible. And, most of all, you will be proud of yourself to have come this far.
Sanja Rozman is a medical doctor, psychotherapist and author of 8 books on behavioral addictions.
Read more in her book Serenity: How to Recognize, Understand, and Recover from Behavioral Addictions
that is about to be published by Brandylane Publishers Inc., Belle Isle Books.
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